Horn Dog

alienren

~

Would you like a

corn dog

with mustard?

~

Or a shorn dog

all that long fur

long gone?

~

Well, I’m a horn dog

cheap cologne, soiled hand-me-downs

hanging on old bones

~

And you, oh pretty woman, ring

in my ragged soul

one thousand telephones

~

Col. Sheena of Pluckame

~

How can I possbily

behave

in front of your photo?

~

sylvanas_windrunner_fantasy_archer_digital_art-faded-2

~

 Saint cupcake delight

your knee perfect & right

twirling this awkward bum

~

blonde-fairy-wallpaper_faded

~

Around & around ’til my

latest ambition is to be your

blooming lily-fetching knight

~

over-and-out-2

~

But what do

I do

instead?

~

Col. Sheena Johnson of Pluckame

~

I steal a picture

nail it to the wall

above a narrow bed

~

female-human-archer-2

~

Now a monk lights

a candle

in a quaint little room

~

tomb-raider-guerrera-arco-flecha-de-fuego-faded

~

A portrait of heaven

lifts up his prayers

out of the gloom

~

smite_gold_neith_by_brolo-faded

~

But these words with

wings aflutter

fly up to whom?

~

green_tara_uv

~

None other than The Goddess

smoothly afloat

above Earth’s tombs

~

goddess bait

~

Yours truly

Rawclyde

!

Voting-Card Envy

burqa-clad-women-show-id-001

~~~

by Rawclyde!

~~~

While battling the formidable Taliban

The brave citizens of Pluckame set-up

a voting poll

in a shed owned by one of the elders

~

Everyone in the village has a voting card

Even Ollie & his midget friends have voting cards

Goats & chickens have voting cards hung around their necks

Only Taliban lurking behind distant trees don’t have them

~

From very far away the Taliban share a pair of binoculars

They see even a blind goat is going to vote

In the nationwide election for the next president

Everybody is going to make a difference but not the Taliban

~

Their Al Qaeda leader peers thru the binoculars & grimaces

He says something rude about what he sees

A swift arrow made in the USA cracks thru one of the lens

And sticks out the back of his head

~

As the Arab falls-over a voting card is suddenly revealed

To his “holy war” buddies

It is nailed on the tree beside which their leader has been sitting

They look around ~ all the trees have voting cards…

~~~

(Text Copyright Clyde Collins 2014)

~~~

b and w by Chris Shields

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~~~

Vagina Envy

vagina_cosmica_by_nietoshka-d386efh

~

Yes Sir, the villagers rebuild the mosque

With brick & mortar payed-for by the U.S. Army

Under the supervision of Col. Sheena Johnson

With Taliban breath on the backs of their necks

~

Her Taliban-fodder fiancee mixes the mortar

He & his fellow villagers lay the brick

Too soon, Sheena’s husband Habibullah is wanted dead or alive

In Haqqanni Network lairs high n’ low over Pakistan way

~

There’s a price on his head for lovin’ the beautiful colonel

Taliban bullets sing all around him, his old Taliban friends

Try with flaming sticks to burn out the eyes of his little brother

But in the nick of time Sheena kills them all

~

One of her tricks is to place 3 arrows

Against the taunt string of her bow held horizontally

Only Ollie’s bountiful sister-in-law can do it just right

She pulls the string way back under her chin

~

Before the arrows hit their mark she does it again

like she is the daughter of a machine gun

& that’s exactly what she is

So years ago she had to kill her father too

~

She has no choice, faced with such fearsome vagina envy

Her sleek arms get oh so sore but she doesn’t give up

She throws off her worn & faded yellow polk-a-dot burka

100 extra arrows in the quiver a hanging on her back

~

The village is surrounded by 100 & one Taliban

Nobody knows how she does it

At point-blank range the Talibanees jerk & they miss

At any range they fall in love and they miss!

~

shanna_jungle_by_marcio_abreu_by_tony058-d2zhz6b

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

Rawclyde!

~

Art

http://nietoshka.deviantart.com/gallery/#

~

Text

Copyright Clyde Collins 2014

~

Mosque

Mosque2_02.jpg4fe930e3-9cee-4ded-8593-6617be5a9df1Large

~~~

by Rawclyde!

~~~

God organizes His forces

Bolts of lightning spruce-up the sky

There is much attention to detail

On a minuscule planet among planets

~~~

Afghan village after allied bombing

~~~

Love doves & bleary-eyed mules

Gather ’round the holy-war warriors who are

Full of bullet-flattering burro shit

Killing God’s children & reaping heavenly reward

~~~

Afghanistan Reconstruction

~~~

Ah yes, we doves & mules gather around

We gots bullets & rockets & A-bombs too

If you wanna be a nuisance

Keep on killing like insects do

~~~

new mosque

~~~

What you need is a brain

Fueled-up for the wise adventure

And a heart that

Beats the real rhyme

~~~

Upfront w Christ

~~~

So “suddenly” turns into months

While the village sets-up voting polls

Votes for a president & rebuilds the mosque

Sheena & Habibullah are wed…

~~~

article-2270722-173EF0F1000005DC-600_634x672

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~~~

(Text Copyright Clyde Collins 2014)

~~~

Road Princess

lucretia_2013_by_l_u_c_r_e_t_i_a-faded

Lucretia

Born & raised in the Ukraine, Lucretia graced my earliest blog, Rawclyde’s Code Room, June, 2011.  On that blog, Lucretia, the model, became Ruthie Root Beer, The Road Princess Of America, the most beautiful heroine in a short novel I penned years before and of which I self-published 100 copies, 1990.  Once I get these things written, I always lackadaisically fail to get them really published ~ like, say, by a New York publisher.  So, presently, this little gem is a free read here on the internet.  And I live quite adequately & happily on social security without being really published.  And Lucretia is still the best & most accurate representative of the road princess, as far as I am concerned.

Incidentally, The Road Princess & Eternity, is a little story about a go-go dancer lost in the Arizona outback in the early ’70s.  A feller who tells her that his name is Eternity, finds her out there out of her mind due to thirst, exposure, and a lack of sleep.  So, what do you suppose happens when you tell a young woman in such a situation that your name is Eternity?

~

The Road Princess And Eternity

a short novel

by

Rawclyde

!

~

free read

~