Capt’n Chuck Fiddler

hijaz-Ali

~~~

by Rawclyde!

~~~

Sunrise, sunset, I go about

My daily intrigues without too much alarm

Eating at the cafe & reading the newspaper

Squinting quizzically at the questionable clientele

~

Mohawks, tattoos, loose women & barbie dolls

So much diversity in the American lifestyle

I’ll have one more cup of coffee please

Before I go to the hazy crazy valley below

~

Other than a lopsided nose & a back with a bolt or two missing

I have no real problems as memories get glazed over

And war wounds hobble along in

A lovely land of free-will & democracy

~

With one marble eye, one fake leg

Capt’n Chuck Fiddler, yours truly, pays the bill

takes another glance at the paper, low n’ behold

There’s Col. Sheena Johnson, so profound, so bold

~

In her customary little slipping & sliding cat-hide rag

Yellow hair waving, baby blues beaming, casual stance

She’s advising native villagers in Afghanistan

in a recent photo right here in the daily paper!

~

So she inexplicably shows up again

In that far away land of tremulous doubt

Where the women are rising & men kill for one sick goat

Where you’re blamed for everything as you try to help them out

~

Jesus Christ & Mohammed too, have mercy on us all

I have to go back, say “hello” one last time

To she whom I have worshiped obeyed & missed my whole life long

What’s the name of the hamlet where she has appeared?

~

My one good eye, it squints, it strains, line after line

Tears spill, overjoyed, I can barely see

The name of the place, I search for it exasperatingly

I wipe my eye!  I see!  The village of Pluckame!

~

(Copyright Clyde Collins 2014)

~

MV5BMTk1MTA2NTY5MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjA1OTgwMw@@__V1__SX640_SY462_

https://oldtimerchronicle2.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/afghans-fend-off-taliban-threat

~~~

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~~~

Lament for Long-Gone Col. Johnson

cannibal_bikini_by_kynokefalos-d68m8r5

Col. Sheena Johnson

~~~

by

Rawclyde

!

~~~

I try to report what is true

Read ‘tween the lines of stories I find

Look for photos that do not lie

Bumble & stumble around the distant war

~

From an easy chair thousands of miles away

My penetration is shallow indeed

Will peace get forged one way or another in that far away land

Does anyone in America know ~ Afghanistan?

~

My infinity machine doesn’t always work right

And flying saucers are so undependable

Every time I think I’ve landed on that nation’s sand

I end up in a ridiculous bubble ~ called Afghaneeland

~

I lost the most beautiful woman on the planet Earth

Col. Sheena Johnson, U.S. Army

In the mirage-brimming bubble of Afghaneeland

A blue burqa dangling from my trembling hand

!

~~~

(Text Copyright Clyde Collins 2014)

~~~

afghanistan02

Afghaneeland

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~~~

top photo:

Cannibal Bikini by Kynokefalos

http://www.deviantart.com/artisan/?q=+kynokefalos

~~~

bottom photo

courtesy of U.S. Army

http://www.goarmy.com

~~~

The Strange Reality of Afghaneeland

michael_parkes_14_2

~~~

by Rawclyde!

~~~

The blue burqa lay crumpled on the deck

The garment inside of which Sheena disappeared

It lay there still & foreboding ~ a secret passage

Into a higher realm of heavenly grace

~

Where had I bought it?  Who had sold it to me?

I had bought it at a noisy bazaar in a rickety village

downright invisible on a high mountain ridge

in Nuristan Province of strange strange Afghanistan

~

My country is at war in this so-called graveyard of empires

We’re not trying to win anything, we’re just getting out

Leaving behind us a slim potential for peace

For a poor-boy population that knows only violence

~

But these skinny people must know more than that

One of them, an old Sufi

Bejeweled In worthless glass beads & holy cards

Sold me this silly cloth inside of which a woman ~ poof ~ gone!

~

The legendary Col. Sheena Johnson, U.S. Army

Of bold body & firm limb, of unconquerable beauty

Shed her uniform to range near & far in a scant loin cloth

The Taliban couldn’t hit her ~ made to instantly love & miss

~

She was supposed to leave that war-torn land

She had become a detriment to the war effort

Rarely in uniform, never in a burqa!

‘Til I gave her this blue one while riding outta there…

~~~

(Copyright Clyde Collins 2014)

~~~

art-kb_parkes_michael-sufi_master-e1389727135221-2

Art by Michael Parkes

http://www.betweenmirrors.com/2013/01/michael-parkes-fantasy-art-magic-realism.html#.UtWOP233uM1

~~~

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~~~

Blue Burqa Destiny

burka1

~~~

by Rawclyde!

~~~

So that’s my story & I’m stickin’ to it

Of the girl next door with whom I blew it

She’s still a colonel & I’m an old tramp

writing tall ones beside my reading lamp

~

Afghaneeland, oh Afghaneeland, we had our thrills

They come, muskets blazing, my backbone a thousand chills

But that girl, a woman now, a legend now

Has captured & carried away my soul somehow

~

So bold was she, so wild & free was she

On the saucer outta there a gift I give to thee

Aye, as from Afghaneeland we float thru the sky

Here’s a little gift in remembrance of you & I

~

Sitting nex’ me in your teeny-weeny buckskin

As we dash across the sky ‘neath God’s almighty chin

Oh Sheena, my Sheena, Col. Sheena Johnson ’til death

I’ll love you always way way beyond my final breath

~

I hand to thee a little something bought & gift-wrapped

So divine when you move all my dreams in the face get slapped

You take it, unwrap it, squirm with a questioning regard

At the blue burqa in your hands you squint so hard

~

What can I say but that the garment adds a new dimension

To your awesome display of leadershipful I-dare-not-mention

Oh goddess, I love thee like all planets a-journey

around the sun, so kneel I to adore your pure knee

~

Time passes slowly as we pass over the sea

In this U.S. Army saucer afloat lackadaisically

You sit so stiff in your new burqa next to sleepy me

I doze, I awake, you sit so still in my gift to thee

~

It covers you so completely in such a modest way

I wonder if it also stops you from having anything to say

I ask you several questions, no word or nod is your reply

The burqa falls to the floor, I let out a horrid cry

~

It appears Col. Sheena Johnson is no longer here

I sit all alone in a flying saucer I fear

Her holy war proves to be not the same as mine

Has she mystically returned to Afghaneeland like ~ like sunshine

?

Sheena Sunshine

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

(Text Copyright Clyde Collins 2014)

~~~

Col. Johnson & The Holy War

rs-kind-nine-will-not-return

~

A holy war booms inside my mind

A jihad call to a platoon of infidel thoughts

Arrives like a missile in the night

Really being holy, delivers a benevolent light

~

A secret agent steps out of the smoke

He’s wearing a suit and tie and a lopsided grin

“It’s time to go,” he says to the colonel & me

“Your score is zero, you’re too damn free”

~

Col. Sheena Johnson smiles & says, “I know”

(She’s been too out-of-line for this road show)

The agent points to the ship, we step thru the door

As a bird flies around cawing “Nevermore!”

~

Some tales float skyward, others whither nearby

This one is detrimental to the war effort

So Sheena & me, we bow low & grand

And our ship floats away from Afghaneeland.

~

flying-saucer

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

from Rawclyde !

~~~

(Text Copyright Clyde Collins 2014)

~~~

She Who Is Obeyed

Tanya R as Col Sheena J

~

by Rawclyde!

~

After about 6 weeks of boot camp

us new recruits of 1st Platoon got our 1st break

in the barracks dayroom for 3 hours

Sheena showed up with a joint for her & I to share

~

Outside we ducked thru a wooden door below the building

The floor was dirt, the ceiling low, the walls unpainted

In the darkness the match flared

Sheena’s face flashed forth that of Saint Joan of Arc!

~

Stunned, I took a toke, Saint Joan, she cracked a joke

Thoroughly stoned we levitated into the dayroom

sat quietly on a plastic couch

1st Platoon spastically whirled around us

~

Over-wired by 6 weeks of boot camp

All the worthless bums were soldiers now

Hair cropped, grins big, suddenly too healthy to relax

While Sheena & I sat silently stoned, watching

~

Pool balls cracked & ricocheted

Dumb jokes splattered, laughter clattered

Sheena lifted her fatigues, made me kiss her tummy

In full view of all those raw recruits

~

Her warm belly-button sucked me into Afghaneeland

Mission Impossible become a dreamy Betty Boop slope

In a slobbery Tora Bora cave I become a slippery slave

Swallowing the orders & commands of Col. Sheena Johnson!

~

(Text Copyright Clyde Collins 2014)

~

She Who Is Obeyed

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~

Sheena Time!

shanna_by_seane-d3j8edu

~~~

by

Rawclyde

!

~~~

Whad-a-ya do with a girl like Sheena Johnson?

Kills her dad, loves her mom, makes a bomb

Throws it thru the door of the boy’s locker room

Number one in class, will kick your ass

~

Whad-a-ya do with a girl like that?

I’m living next door, doing a chore

Suddenly there she is in the driveway

Wearing a shredded washrag, calling me a fuckin’ fag

~

My God, what am I supposed to do?

Here’s the girl next door making me her bottom floor

I’m working hard to be to be to be a man

She laughs & dares me to jump outta the frying pan

~

The towers collapse in two-thousand-&-one

There’s Sheena standing there ~ the daughter of a machine gun

Stands there in my driveway as if the Princess of Mars

Enlists in the army & I follow, my eyes full of stars!

~

(Copyright Clyde Collins 2013)

~~~

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~~~

Art on this post

by

Jay Anacleto

http://comicartcommunity.com/gallery/categories.php?cat_id=291&sessionid=08c02ea0703bac95cda1274d31eda219

~~~

This Is An American Blog

Osama-Bin-Laden-DEAD-by-Patrick-McQuade-Big

The Secret Passage

Where might be
The secret passage
To heaven?

Might ye
Buy it
At the Seven-Eleven?

Where is this passage
Thru which so many
Seek to pass?

Is it in thy
Beloved’s eye
Or at Sunday Mass?

Please tell me
Oh Lord
Where I might find

This passage to the
Oblivion of torment
In my mind

Can it be found
Upon
The desert trail?

Or might it be
Delivered
In the mail?

Oh Lordy Lordy
I am
Growing feint

Can it be found in
A parable or
A can of paint?

Oh my darlin’
Is this secret passage
A beatitude?

Or per chance
Is it a more
Reverent attitude?

Or oh mother
Mary
Up above

Is
It just plain old
True blue love?

And
If
It be

What kind of
True blue love
Must we

Seek
Of
Thee?

Love enslaved
Or
May it be

Wild
&
Free?

Will it come only with
Lots of prayer
Or simply naturally?

Where is this
Secret passage to
Oh my heaven?

Certainly it cannot
Be bought at
The Seven-Eleven!

~

song by Davy Crockett Reincarnated

http://crockettreincarnated.yolasite.com

~

Dead-Osama-Bin-Laden-Gets-72-Urchins--93766

Osama Bin Laden

~

Afterglow

tanya-roberts-profile-picture

Col. Sheena Johnson, US Army

~~~

by Rawclyde!

~~~

Back at headquarters, in uniform & behind her desk

The legendary Col. Sheena Johnson nurtures Camp Jitterbug

The only US Army outpost left in Nuristan Province

An outpost that hums along for no reason & that rarely rhymes

~

When I knock she says “Come in” so I do

“How’s the radio station?” asks young Col. Johnson

“Quite well,” I reply, “And so is Camp Jitterbug”

The colonel beams with pride & incomparable beauty

~

Speaking of which, I continue to yammer

“We’ve figured out why you never get hit by a bullet

When the Taliban see you they fall in love so they miss”

She laughs “All men are my slaves I can’t help it”

~

Godly swirls of purple in the pale blue sky

Provide a rapid prelude to another eerie night

Red joins-up for the final dash

Venus does not appear at the rim of the hilly silhouette…

~~~

Copyright Clyde Collins 2013

~~~

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

Lee Ferguson's Sheena Cropped

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sheena-todd-livingston/1113649620

~~~

The Colonel’s Arrow Hits It’s Mark

Tanya as Col. Johnson

~~~

by

Rawclyde!

~

Col. Sheena Johnson stretched her limbs

Tossed a blanket, sat up, stared back at the midget trio

She leaped to her feet into a combat pose

Slapped the half-pints around playfully

~

They were aghast, eyes big marbles, mouths gaping caves

The colonel’s semi-naked attributes stunned

These little Muslim boys in the highest elevations of Afghanistan

She bounced them around like basketballs & they all cleaned-up the place

~

After a while they were making mud bricks

Repairing walls & painting murals on them

Of historic battles in various nearby locales

With splattered suicide bombers hobnobbing with virgins in the clouds

~

The virgins had naked navels, long blond hair & blue eyes

Just like Col. Sheena Johnson

One of the midgets, who everyone called Ollie, was painting a halo

On one of the virgins when his older Taliban brother walked-in

~

This feller turned into a hurricane of destruction

Undid all the work the short fellers & their new friend had done

The colonel had disappeared, was no where to be found

But one of her arrows returned, calmed the hurricane down

~

(Copyright Clyde Collins 2013)

~~~

final_inline

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~~~

Col. Johnson Wakes Up In Pluckame

~~~

wake up sleepy head 2

~~~

by

Rawclyde

!

~~~

She carried on constant dialogue with

Saint Joan of Arizona, her best friend

Whom she had never met face to face but

Saint Joan was Sheena’s favorite spirituality

~

Colonel Sheena Johnson of the US Army

Begged Holy Jesus for salvation, Holy Mary for holy prayers

When she caught a wink of rest she woke up

Surrounded by God, His angels, and Afghan villagers

~

Her hair-splitting arrows, her death-begotten spear

Her footprints filled Taliban hearts with fear

For some holy reason she never missed nor was hit

Al Queda, so full of it, finally ducked out & split

~

Colonel Sheena Johnson of the US Army

Of the entire planet & the universe too

Held Islam like a coin in the palm of her hand

And the little brains in her toes understood Afghanistan

~

One morning she awoke in the ruins of

A small mosque in the beat-up village of Pluckame

Perched invisible on a distant mountain ridge

3 midgets watched her eyes open like she was a cartoon on TV

~

Sitting cross-legged in a row with 3 grinning faces

These poverty-stricken midgets were doomed to grow up Taliban

That is, before they found Col. Sheena Johnson

Who immediately became their favorite cartoon character…

~~~

(Copyright Clyde Collins 2013)

~~~

favorite cartoon character

Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

http://www.comicvine.com/sheena/4005-31442

~~~

The Legend of Colonel Sheena Johnson

Sheena with bow & arrow

~~~

by Rawclyde!

~~~

One girl-soldier on my crew fought off

5 wanna-be rapists in her platoon

Killed them & did not get caught

Her blood-lust knew no bounds when it came to the Taliban

~

500 mysteriously disappeared while she ranged around

Out of uniform for one month in northeast Afghanistan

After which she was promoted to Colonel

This included 3 Waziristan villages that she leveled

(Nobody knows how and, anyway, it’s just a rumor)

~

She was assigned to nurture an ill-conceived outpost

Deep in the mountains, so deep it scratched the back

Of Pakistan & consequently was doomed until

She got there & winked at her suddenly happy soldiers

~

They got so charged-up just looking at her

They paved a crumbling rock road with asphalt

For 100 miles before lunch time & without a break

Nobody but one village urchin knows where they got the asphalt

~

Then one freezing morning she & her sparse gear were gone

The outpost fell into an endless & bottomless depression

Until they found a dead Taliban with an arrow in his back

Suddenly they knew ~ the Colonel wasn’t gone at all

~

Now the soldiers at this craven location pull guard duty

With smiles on their faces & joy in their hearts

‘Cuz every so often when least expected they catch a glimpse

Col. Sheena Johnson, half naked, stalking Taliban in the snarky shadows…

~

(Copyright Clyde Collins 2013)

~~~

Sheena_86c69e62

Col. Sheena Johnson, U.S. Army

The Afghaneeland Adventure Series | Old Timer Chronicle II

~~~